without you

met you in a metaphorical mind-scape

and in that moment all else faded

a dazzling mode interlaced with brilliant light

i stutter...what can i say to you?

you smile, no words leave your lips

i can sense your mind

we meld into a single thought

though even in this realm my freedom

seems tainted and un-enabled

the world outside is beckoning

must i return to a realm in which you're not?

your eyes meet mine

i can stay, i must

you hold my hand

your touch...

we go alone together

to places i cannot relate

two figures lost in a blur

only our silhouettes stand solid

one last look as i feel myself slipping

as i awaken i refuse conceit

i never open my eyes

i hold onto your memory

still your face fades into darkest shadow

when will i see you again?

i try to fall back into my slumber

but no matter how i try

i find myself

stuck here

perpetually

without you

what's left is nothing

when you say one thing
and you do another
it really can fuck with your head

when you say one thing
and you do another
you really fuck with my head

or at least you used to
used to be able to
but now i just can't deal

or at least you used to
used to be able to
but these days it seems i can't feel

i can't feel the same way that i did before
and how could i, would i? no
because if i still felt the way i did before
than we wouldn't be having
be having these conversations

you call me and you say one thing
and then do another
what am i supposed to think
when you call crying?

am i supposed to stop what i'm doing
and comfort you?
you don't listen anyway
to a word that i say

all you hear are the sounds of the ocean
of emotion
that you're stuck in so deeply
you can't see the sun

and you want someone to hold you
hold you so tight
and i did for a while
but i just can't tonight

and am i supposed to feel bad for this?
i work myself to the bones and still
am i supposed to feel bad for this?
for at one time giving you something so real?

i do wish that we could be what we once were
but the truth is we're only
what the earth and the moon and stars have dictated
that we are destined to be

and at this time and place i cannot drop the hat
and run to your soft loving arms
because while you were trying to find who you are
i found myself, groomed myself, made something strong

no matter the circumstance leading to this
i feel that i've given you all that i can
and i know what you want and i know what you need
what you need is to feel the love of a man

and it's not just me, though you say i'm the one
but you also told me that you want to move on
and i gave you the lead and it's yours to decide
take me as is or leave me far behind

and i'm not just your slut
i'm not just your slave
i'm a human with feelings like you
the main difference is i don't let my emotions
run my life like you do

maybe i'll be left alone forever
and maybe i'll find something true
but if you can't handle the way that i am
than i don't have a thing left for you

chasing amy

i saw the post today
hah...i should have known
what was i thinking back all those years
i guess i was just young and dumb
but it was never a matter of not knowing
that you were the one for me
it was simply a cry from a scared child
a thinking that there was only one method to succeed
to go and leave you
and pursue my own
i guess i'm just a fool...

since then i've tried
tried so hard to find your replacement
and unfortunately, so far, i've struck nothing but fool's gold
throw away the prize to search for something you won't find
that's my M.O.
that's my stupidity

you're a diamond, hah...
someone else's diamond now
i guess it's what i get for leaving you there
with nothing...nothing...
nothing just like me

if you can ever forgive me
if you ever think about me
know that i'm still here waiting
because i have no choice

until the day you're with me
until the day we once again lock eyes
and see that infinite perfection deep down within the other
i'll be chasing amy

i've come to realize

that through all things
there will only be one thing
that will keep me from being

it's love, people.

love is a plague; a disease of the mind
it keeps you distracted
keeps you from your hopes and dreams
at one point it may have been
the excelled product of all one would hope for
but in this world love cannot be
at least not in this moment

my life as of now is filled with treachery
twists and turns and situations
situations that could change everything
my path is set before me steadily
but i cannot hold your hand while i stride

so i must choose;
do i leave?
or do i give up everything for you?

perhaps this is romance; to give up one's entire life for the love of another
to pass on all things save one; that one and only one
but even if i were, and am, the hopeless romantic
i know that i could never give you what you want
what you need
or what i need for myself
in this current life i hold

time;

time is a cold and bitter excuse
yet i feel it perfectly logical to demand more time to grow

even you are not ready; you don't know what you want
you don't know what you need
and i know that there is someone out there
who already does
who would love me where i am
and walk with me toward a future that we had planned


while the fanciful dreams of our past are perfection
i know that they are not possible unless we can traverse life together
laughing and joking with the sun and the stars
not on each others' shoulders
not on each others' backs
not nagging and whining and making up emotions
that only cloud the life which we try to lead

it's through this that i travel
and it's through this that i fight
for once i have finally found that one to walk next to
it won't be about love
it won't be about sex
it won't be about anything but our futures combined

this is true love
it can never be fabricated.

hail humanity!!!

what is this life?
and what does it all mean?
and is that a question that can even be asked?
much less answered?

think of your life as i think of mine.

what was the significance, beyond all things transcending time?

other than to form significance, i can come to nothing.

beauty, perhaps?

we are an entity compromising itself on behalf of beauty

on behalf of a world that exists within our minds that has not yet fully come to fruition in the foreground.

and ever, will it?

i suppose it depends on we, the folk existing in the now.

even as you sit there reading this text you are being changed; manipulated

not for malice, nor for personal gain

more for experience, for lack of a better metaphorically pleasurable muse of slang.

i am a seeker, as i conclude we all must be under the surface of the ego we form through our mundane everyday excursions into the material world

the only world we can all agree on:

EARTH! 365 1/4 DAYS IN A YEAR! 7 DAYS ON A CALENDAR PER WEEK!

at least that's how it is in MY COUNTRY! GREATEST COUNTRY OF THEM ALL! LOOK AT OUR LITTLE LIFE! ISN'T IT CUTE?! EACH WITH OUR OWN QUAINT LITTLE UNITS OF FRIENDS AND PRECISELY ARTICULATED FAMILY UNITS; DON'T IT JUST MAKE YOU WANNA SLAP YOUR MOMMA?!

but beneath it each of us knows of a world far more extravagant; at least far more appealing

singular perfection; to use a term lightly

those of us fortunate enough have been able to preview this world

some even more unfortunate soul is there now; but only cognitively

trapped in an ever-flowing escarpment of what could and what is and what if and only if i...only if we...why can't we...why must we...why do we...do we...are we?...wait a minute...WE? WHAT ARE WE?

and even so brilliantly sculpted,

a phrase uttered uselessly can never be

turned from damned to praised.

crush yourself

grind you down

see what's you when you're all gone

and then you'll know

beyond all else

who always was there

beyond you

and all at once

you'll know and see

our existential humanity

is nothing far from genius

expel your soul from the dungeons of thine

quiet your demons, the darkness is fading

embrace the dragons of your own time

the unrequited brilliance

that thrives within the you within you

deep

deep

deeper yet

twisting deeper through limitless cooridors

embrace the truth of knowledge and the magic existing between the lines of all time

and space and all will seem to coalesce before your eyes

for the present moment lived is now

and wasted is nigh

never stop to ponder for pondering leads to more pondering of ponderings pondering what ponderance you've pondered atop previously pondered ponderings!

it's gone afoul!

there are lies abound

the truth can only be found within

and if we can take the time to sort through the bones of this tarnished zen

we can possibly discover

that not only do we hold the answers

but that we are the answers to all the questions we seek to expound upon

we are the cosmological constant; the unifying theory

that only within our powerful, quantum selves could something of this magnitude be sculpted

and it is far beyond this physical manifestation that we shall grow

into a world so benevolent that to see it with our mortal eyes would cause immediate cessation

all the questions have already been answered; for eons upon eons we have answered them

for time is timeless

and endings, well...

all that is left is to live this life;

and with gusto!

for this gift; a glimpse; a brief moment;

to waste in pursuit of thought is nonsensical.

we must grasp onto this intricate instant; take it for what it truly COULD BE

for within our minds come the fruits of futures beheld

only we can be the bearers of that light singular into this otherwise dark and lonely world.

this is the cross we bear.

the cross we have crafted for ourselves.

to always better be.

and with great strides we move toward the future

hail humanity!


now go have some fun, you fucking Cretans! [i quit, i'm not typing on this anymore after i'm done typing this one last sentence that seemingly could, and just may, go on forever; ceaselessly charging toward a future predetermined but undisclosed!]

mmmm

ah, but when people are people
are they not full of shit?

is it possible to not be full of shit
when you're there in front of someone
it's not your fault, you're not trying to
it's just the way things are;

the world is too strange to not have bullshit
without bullshit we could not survive
it's the glue that holds our species together
in fact our drive to stay alive
every muscle spasm approaching a smile
we sit back, relax, have a smoke, crack a bottle
and pretend not to know
we think without thinking
we thought what we didn't
but that thought brought sinking
so we gave up thought; our thoughts were the thoughts we were given
and we chronologically formed "existing conditions"
and we smile and we bow
we tip our hats
and we learn to do this
and we learn to do that
and we sing and we dance
and we drink and we cry
and we bullshit ourselves
and we never ask why
and we bullshit each other
this portion is true
that right now this author
is bullshitting you
but i do not mean to
i have white intentions
but these words i type
are enforced by constrictions
if i break away from the scheme i have crafted
this thing falls apart and you're left with the ashes
if rhyme clashes in a discordic array
you may just stop reading; go on with your day
so i have to keep you on the edge of your brain
i do that with verse and by rhyming everything
if i stopped rhyming words
and i stopped going places
you'd loose all attention
and find my work "tasteless"
i'd be such a loser
insignificant
it's your world i work in
it's my mind's ascent
so i never finished writing this poem
i never finished writing this poem
never finished this poem
never even wrote this poem
you should stop reading this poem
why are you reading this poem
stop yourself from disappoint
ment stop your self from re-involvement
stop reading this poem
stop reading this poem
this poem
reading this poem
is known to cause brain damage
dane bramage spammimg tufts of allegory
fell from the 10th story of the library of insanity
come back with me
look to aisle 3
do you see?
the bookshelf near the iv?
with the hot nurse and fresh jug of kfc?
that one's for you

this one's for me









;3

i just ate your brains.

07.06.10 ; 7:07

expression
and somehow i'm expressing
but what am i expressing
when the end begins?

and what was it worth
was it really for nothing
or was there a purpose
a meaning
a crux?

and what is expression?
what's worth taking time
in this short life we live
for expression; for rhyme

for love and for hate
for attempting to feel
as if someone foreign
won't only
destroy the flow of the
scheme
but institutionalize your
dreams
as if someone could really
truly know
what
you are
at evenfall
as if someone could really
understand all of you
truly feel
what
you are within
what it feels like to be you
even for one second
even for a glimpse so small
it's simply beyond measure
how could they ever
never knows best
but if never's forever;
could you please define "bliss"?


but what is this?

i'm feeling a weight lift
a continuum shift
as if someone or something
gave me a gift
of misunderstood misunderstandings
that lead me deep through the underpinnings
it's not through me
i always thought it would be
it's from you, your teachings
now i see
what expression could be
between you and me

we're free

simultaneously

a-cu-ROSSSS-uuu

undying dedication
and the ability to make it all seem worthwhile
you have more energy to spare
than you could ever place into motion
you're a wreck, a violation of being
but a loyal and cunning mistress
able to leap tall buildings and faster than trains
but only to death and rebirth through fate
excel excel, this saga's about you
of hyatt and your master illpallazzo
and menchi your dinner dish one day will be
koshi rikudo does not approve of this poem


today's experiment.....FAILED

we

can't play the piano
slumpin on the stoop
gotta ease your mind
take off
hit the loop
come back to back to back
side to side
exhale, deep connection underpinning the ride
then i loose my flexible reginald. bill
and overkill the will of shrill deville with courses in real
estate
state run banks and corporations
catch the worlds on fire, man, exclude the declaration
and face the pace of life beside the norm of your pursuation
even the leftest lefist out there wants to keep their occupation
being fat lazy overloaded stupid ass americans
because that's what we are, by far
and the right, alright we get it dawg you're telling us the truth
but that doesn't straight forgive the shit you've done to us [THE YOUTH]
you proclaimate yourselves the better half, but i can remember
just a few years ago with the twin towers in cinders
and lil bushy reading stories to the kids at their school
he sat there for 15 minutes, made himself look like a fool
not to mention Cheney and all the shit he did with halliburton
and if you're not understanding let me open up the curtain
see the politics and shit, they're nothing but visualization
of everything that's going on with the corporations
and if you haven't noticed yet, US, we're bigger than all
but if we don't watch our step we're gonna trip up and fall
and there are some who wish the curtain close
the end of the game
because they don't appreciate the land, the freedom, the brave
and the proud and the great, we're the land of the free
and even though we're not it's better living in fallacy
for at least when they kill us they only do it enmasse
and the probability of them up under your ass
is mostly zero
the longer that you live you're taxed
and so it's logically simple to form a movable caste
so that the one's who wish to survive thrive and move on to better
and all the lazy motherfuckers bottom feed on the cheddar
this is a great land, see it for what it can become
because it won't be long before it's we who's shoulder's it's on.

crushed

on second thought i decided that this is a bunch of garbage.

:D have a nice life eating shit :D!

.

you probably don't like me that way

but i'd like to think that you will some distant time

our long long chats leave me in thought

without them new truths would remain unsought

you're so cute with your short curly hair, like mine

it's so fun, when we draw, when we laugh, sublime

but it's sad for me to think that it's all for nothing

even though we're great friends i long to be much more

but maybe i'm just being selfish and shit

maybe i don't need you to be the only one on my list

maybe this life's telling me that i should be like the wind

and never let another person put their chains around me again

but i don't think that you're that kinda girl

you fill my life with something that it lost somewhere

along the way

and if you were to give me a chance i might show you a thing or two

a thing or two that even you

could not comprehend

something you didn't realize

was possible to achieve

i can't see through your eyes

but i can empathize and understand your place

so i sit here and wait for the day you say

me gusta

understand...

understand that i realize you're beautiful

and i mean that inside and out

but i want you to go out and live your life

though it causes me so much pain to admit that

i know we were meant for each other

but it seems to me our timing's off

we need to go and live and learn

so that we can love better next time

and if the next time never comes

i'll hold you in my heart

you're always going to be within me

no matter the circumstances that follow

because i realize you're beautiful

and i mean that inside and out

r 1250 2010

it hurts inside

but it feels fine

because i know you'll never know what i did for you

you'll never see it

and even if you do

it'll be far too late

because we'll be lost by then

or at least i will

where you'll go i'll never know

but at least you got to go there

i gave you your life

in return for mine

we moved too fast but

sometimes...

i think about what it may have been if we had stayed

but i know it would have ended badly anyway...

you'll never know

[what i did for you]

how my love won't leave

[your side]

how stupid you are

[right now]

and it's not your fault

you'll never see

the good i do; i did for you

the things i've done to get you through

the life i gave so you could dance

the bit of me i left to chance

i came at the time when you needed me most

i crafted you, made you better, stronger

you forgot these things, didn't you?

how you were before we were...

ignorance is bliss, isn't it?

tell me about it; i wish that i knew

my whole life has been an open book

this chapter happened to be about you

about a love that burned so hot

with passion overflowing

and how it slowly sizzled out

reality joined the showing

but now at chapter's end

you echo on through all the pages

perhaps we will meet again

in some distant far off spaces...

but for now, you're stupid.

live life

have fun

experience what you will

go on

go on!

and never tell me anything

it's something i can't deal with

my love for you is infinitely eternal

but falsity masked never perseveres

experience

the goddess rests silent within

as a muse, a pulse, a pathway toward

enlightened life

experimental living

and holding true to who i am

and knowing who that guy is

looking back at me

when i stare into clear glass

those eyes that pierce into my soul

how many others have they seen?

how many lives have they touched?

how much anger, happiness, have they been able to bring?

and what is the goal?

light?

dark?

something in between?

express love

or simple being?

a flash of something...

nothing...

something...

a simple blip in a sea of delusion

but in digression

i say to thee

that one spark leads indefinitely

to many

pierce the veils of time and space

for together we defeat this night

and bring the world back again

into the everlasting light

of eternal experience

artemis;

goddess;

callisto calls

show me

again

who i am.

i remember how i always know the words.

perhaps within me

all that i must know

is

and all i am

once again

proves to be

much

more

than what i could have foreseen

with my sullenly common eyes

partially impartial

partially impartial
and yet i feel there's more to this
that deep between the lines we speak
an understanding does exist

that hers and his, are one, one
that nothing separates the two
that every time a word is spake
we lean much farther from the truth

do you love me?
is it love?
is it something more than that?
or is there something out there
deeper than a hug, a rub, a kiss
that neither of us understands?
i believe we do
but our red hearts must leave a space
so true light can come shining through

what are we
indeed we are
nothing more than
shining stars
f
r
e
q
u
e
n
c
y
bounces and sends
light into the darkened world

freaky friday
explain to you
how i meant to be there
but i couldn't
words cannot get through
and so i speak my mind
with my mind
inside my simple thoughts

-

outerspace. silence. you kick yourself once. the centrifugal force sends you twirling. a spiral. you warp, spacetime time slows down. images of unsurpassed glory infect you. choppy, ge ti g ch p y. a tear? no. something much more exquisite. Zounds! Energy boosts backdownupforwardsidetoside. partially still constructed but literally out of your mind. infiltrate a new realm. spiritual as best described. mental metalworking stops, are you still alive?

black hole. force and pressure stabilizing. one thought to process the process of thinking. all else melts away, what was it? the cooling breeze of an ocean. a meadow. a mountain peak. the cry of a dove...what? is? happening?

infected senses. coming to. but who? you? not I. reborn phoenix. life death reset. evermore. seems as if somehow somewhere something once were. infinite paths converging single in form. infiltrate molecular bonds, spawn. a failure. no recollection only sight, taste, sound, touch

smell? no. it's all far beyond remembering. as if somehow thinking your thoughts created understanding. trapped in a purgatory, suddenly, cease. flex your fingers to the light, now; permanent peace.

lyrical meditation.