10.03.2010

what's left is nothing

when you say one thing
and you do another
it really can fuck with your head

when you say one thing
and you do another
you really fuck with my head

or at least you used to
used to be able to
but now i just can't deal

or at least you used to
used to be able to
but these days it seems i can't feel

i can't feel the same way that i did before
and how could i, would i? no
because if i still felt the way i did before
than we wouldn't be having
be having these conversations

you call me and you say one thing
and then do another
what am i supposed to think
when you call crying?

am i supposed to stop what i'm doing
and comfort you?
you don't listen anyway
to a word that i say

all you hear are the sounds of the ocean
of emotion
that you're stuck in so deeply
you can't see the sun

and you want someone to hold you
hold you so tight
and i did for a while
but i just can't tonight

and am i supposed to feel bad for this?
i work myself to the bones and still
am i supposed to feel bad for this?
for at one time giving you something so real?

i do wish that we could be what we once were
but the truth is we're only
what the earth and the moon and stars have dictated
that we are destined to be

and at this time and place i cannot drop the hat
and run to your soft loving arms
because while you were trying to find who you are
i found myself, groomed myself, made something strong

no matter the circumstance leading to this
i feel that i've given you all that i can
and i know what you want and i know what you need
what you need is to feel the love of a man

and it's not just me, though you say i'm the one
but you also told me that you want to move on
and i gave you the lead and it's yours to decide
take me as is or leave me far behind

and i'm not just your slut
i'm not just your slave
i'm a human with feelings like you
the main difference is i don't let my emotions
run my life like you do

maybe i'll be left alone forever
and maybe i'll find something true
but if you can't handle the way that i am
than i don't have a thing left for you

10.02.2010

chasing amy

i saw the post today
hah...i should have known
what was i thinking back all those years
i guess i was just young and dumb
but it was never a matter of not knowing
that you were the one for me
it was simply a cry from a scared child
a thinking that there was only one method to succeed
to go and leave you
and pursue my own
i guess i'm just a fool...

since then i've tried
tried so hard to find your replacement
and unfortunately, so far, i've struck nothing but fool's gold
throw away the prize to search for something you won't find
that's my M.O.
that's my stupidity

you're a diamond, hah...
someone else's diamond now
i guess it's what i get for leaving you there
with nothing...nothing...
nothing just like me

if you can ever forgive me
if you ever think about me
know that i'm still here waiting
because i have no choice

until the day you're with me
until the day we once again lock eyes
and see that infinite perfection deep down within the other
i'll be chasing amy