i've come to realize

that through all things
there will only be one thing
that will keep me from being

it's love, people.

love is a plague; a disease of the mind
it keeps you distracted
keeps you from your hopes and dreams
at one point it may have been
the excelled product of all one would hope for
but in this world love cannot be
at least not in this moment

my life as of now is filled with treachery
twists and turns and situations
situations that could change everything
my path is set before me steadily
but i cannot hold your hand while i stride

so i must choose;
do i leave?
or do i give up everything for you?

perhaps this is romance; to give up one's entire life for the love of another
to pass on all things save one; that one and only one
but even if i were, and am, the hopeless romantic
i know that i could never give you what you want
what you need
or what i need for myself
in this current life i hold

time;

time is a cold and bitter excuse
yet i feel it perfectly logical to demand more time to grow

even you are not ready; you don't know what you want
you don't know what you need
and i know that there is someone out there
who already does
who would love me where i am
and walk with me toward a future that we had planned


while the fanciful dreams of our past are perfection
i know that they are not possible unless we can traverse life together
laughing and joking with the sun and the stars
not on each others' shoulders
not on each others' backs
not nagging and whining and making up emotions
that only cloud the life which we try to lead

it's through this that i travel
and it's through this that i fight
for once i have finally found that one to walk next to
it won't be about love
it won't be about sex
it won't be about anything but our futures combined

this is true love
it can never be fabricated.

hail humanity!!!

what is this life?
and what does it all mean?
and is that a question that can even be asked?
much less answered?

think of your life as i think of mine.

what was the significance, beyond all things transcending time?

other than to form significance, i can come to nothing.

beauty, perhaps?

we are an entity compromising itself on behalf of beauty

on behalf of a world that exists within our minds that has not yet fully come to fruition in the foreground.

and ever, will it?

i suppose it depends on we, the folk existing in the now.

even as you sit there reading this text you are being changed; manipulated

not for malice, nor for personal gain

more for experience, for lack of a better metaphorically pleasurable muse of slang.

i am a seeker, as i conclude we all must be under the surface of the ego we form through our mundane everyday excursions into the material world

the only world we can all agree on:

EARTH! 365 1/4 DAYS IN A YEAR! 7 DAYS ON A CALENDAR PER WEEK!

at least that's how it is in MY COUNTRY! GREATEST COUNTRY OF THEM ALL! LOOK AT OUR LITTLE LIFE! ISN'T IT CUTE?! EACH WITH OUR OWN QUAINT LITTLE UNITS OF FRIENDS AND PRECISELY ARTICULATED FAMILY UNITS; DON'T IT JUST MAKE YOU WANNA SLAP YOUR MOMMA?!

but beneath it each of us knows of a world far more extravagant; at least far more appealing

singular perfection; to use a term lightly

those of us fortunate enough have been able to preview this world

some even more unfortunate soul is there now; but only cognitively

trapped in an ever-flowing escarpment of what could and what is and what if and only if i...only if we...why can't we...why must we...why do we...do we...are we?...wait a minute...WE? WHAT ARE WE?

and even so brilliantly sculpted,

a phrase uttered uselessly can never be

turned from damned to praised.

crush yourself

grind you down

see what's you when you're all gone

and then you'll know

beyond all else

who always was there

beyond you

and all at once

you'll know and see

our existential humanity

is nothing far from genius

expel your soul from the dungeons of thine

quiet your demons, the darkness is fading

embrace the dragons of your own time

the unrequited brilliance

that thrives within the you within you

deep

deep

deeper yet

twisting deeper through limitless cooridors

embrace the truth of knowledge and the magic existing between the lines of all time

and space and all will seem to coalesce before your eyes

for the present moment lived is now

and wasted is nigh

never stop to ponder for pondering leads to more pondering of ponderings pondering what ponderance you've pondered atop previously pondered ponderings!

it's gone afoul!

there are lies abound

the truth can only be found within

and if we can take the time to sort through the bones of this tarnished zen

we can possibly discover

that not only do we hold the answers

but that we are the answers to all the questions we seek to expound upon

we are the cosmological constant; the unifying theory

that only within our powerful, quantum selves could something of this magnitude be sculpted

and it is far beyond this physical manifestation that we shall grow

into a world so benevolent that to see it with our mortal eyes would cause immediate cessation

all the questions have already been answered; for eons upon eons we have answered them

for time is timeless

and endings, well...

all that is left is to live this life;

and with gusto!

for this gift; a glimpse; a brief moment;

to waste in pursuit of thought is nonsensical.

we must grasp onto this intricate instant; take it for what it truly COULD BE

for within our minds come the fruits of futures beheld

only we can be the bearers of that light singular into this otherwise dark and lonely world.

this is the cross we bear.

the cross we have crafted for ourselves.

to always better be.

and with great strides we move toward the future

hail humanity!


now go have some fun, you fucking Cretans! [i quit, i'm not typing on this anymore after i'm done typing this one last sentence that seemingly could, and just may, go on forever; ceaselessly charging toward a future predetermined but undisclosed!]